Tomorrow is my birthday. I’ll be 35.
When I turned 30, I had a fantastic time. I took a long weekend break with around 30 of my family and friends, then the following weekend had a huge party. It was just perfect. I’d looked forward to it, planned every detail, spent a lot of money and thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it.
But birthdays since then have all been a bit meh. Not surprising really since they haven’t been special birthdays and have been during the week, just after Christmas. It isn’t the best timing for a birthday really. From 31 through to 34 I have been quietly accepting of the age increase, not worrying about it but not particularly thrilled either. That’s life.
This one is significant to me though. I’m not really sure why, but I think it’s probably a combination of things.
Firstly, I’m a year closer to the end of my time.
Morbid, isn’t it. Since losing a friend of mine in 2015 I’ve looked at life differently. I feel I have to make use of every moment because we just don’t know how much time we have left. It isn’t a great way to live your life though – it’s exhausting sometimes. I am forever guilty of trying to fit things into our already busy lives. Parties, holidays, day trips… and of course they must all slot in with school and work holidays. I’m probably too keen on getting stuff done really.
Secondly, my body is older.
It won’t be noticeably different when I wake up tomorrow morning, but I see my hair getting more grey, wrinkles appearing on my face and my waistline not getting any smaller and it makes me sad. Sad that I haven’t looked after my skin and my body better before now. I know that there is always time to make improvements, but I’m annoyed that I’m 35 and still overweight and unfit.
Lastly, I still don’t feel I have much direction.
The question ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’ has never been answered. My main focus is of course the boys, but what will I do when they are grown up? This year I really need to decide on some kind of career path and stick to it. Take the blog, for instance. I started writing this blog 6 years ago and it’s no better/busier now than it was 5 years ago – it certainly doesn’t earn me the money I hoped it would. Usually I blame that on a lack of time to devote to it, but the reality is that I don’t make time.
I think that’s enough wallowing now. It’s not often write whiny posts but I’ll allow myself this one. I can’t help but be Little Miss Positive most of the time though, so I’m certain that tomorrow’s post will be a smiley one.
Have you ever had a little wobble, felt uncertainty or just sheer panic as you approached a significant birthday? I’d love to know how you coped with it!